Saturday, March 11, 2006

Breaking the Power and Control Cycle

There are a few things we can do to break the power and control cycle in our lives. It is frustrating to be stuck in anything. The good news is that we can get unstuck. Here are six things that will help us get out of the cycle.

1. We must admit that we are in the cycle and that we struggle with power and control tendencies.

2. We must confess that we struggle with power and control in our lives and share our struggle with someone. By confessing we bring our struggle to the light and expose it to others. This allows us to get help, be accountable and find healing.

3. We need to seek help. We cannot do this alone. We need to learn other alternatives and have accountability in our lives. We may seek help from a domestic violence group, anger management group, communication class, a counselor, a sponsor, our higher power and a wise friend.

4. We need to change the environment. By changing the environment we mean making sure that it is healthy and safe. We need to make sure that it is safe for others to be around us and begin to create a safe environment for those around us. If we are in an abusive or unsafe relationship we may need to set a boundary and leave that person. We may also need to change who we hang out with (friends, peers, etc.) if they are a negative influence on us and our belief system.

5. We need to learn to confront our problems instead of running away from them. We should no longer stuff our feelings or ignore others feelings. We should deal with our problems and issues.

6. We need to practice the tools we have learned to remain calm and in control of ourselves. We can use the tools in the marriage toolbox (when we encounter tension) such as timeouts, positive self-talk, deep breaths, reflective listening, "I" messages, prayer, reality checks, and journaling.