As far as we can go back in time it seems like there have been power struggles going on between men and women. In Genesis 3:18 we are told about where this power struggle originated. It tells us about the consequences of Eve's sin (having eaten of the forbidden fruit) and enlightens us on its effects on the relationship between a man and woman.
It reads, "To the woman he [God] said, 'I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.'"
Here we see that something new has occurred in the marriage relationship. Aside from the pains of childbearing, the woman will now desire for her husband and he will rule over her. The word used for "desire" comes from the Hebrew word tesuqah which seems to indicate a desire that is evil in nature such as desiring for power.
It appears that the "desire" mentioned here of the woman is in reference to wanting to gain the upperhand in the relationship; but because she is the weaker vessel (physically) her husband will dominate her by force. Which has been exactly what has happened over the course of history. Throughout history women have been treated as cattle, property and have had very few rights until recently. For a long time, even in the United States, the battering of women was widely accepted and understood as a male's right and privilege in American soceity. It wasn't until approximately the 1870's that courts in the United States began rejecting the legal justification to beat a woman. In some cultures today women are still beaten and considered property.
But this was not the way it was supposed to be. God's plan was that both man and woman would reflect the image of God and work together as a team (Genesis 1:26-28, 2:18).
So, what do we do now that we understand where the battle of the sexes began? And how can we counter this dynamic in our relationships and marriages?
We must go back to God's blueprints for marriage and accept that we are all guilty of using power and control in our relationships. Use of power and control does not just mean physical abuse. It entails any form of abusive behavior (emotional abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, economical abuse, sexual abuse, and any type of manipulation).
By focusing on respecting our partners and equality in a relationship we can overcome the natural tendency to revert back to the use of power plays to get what we want. When we do this love is in action and can be manifested in the relationship. When we use power and control we are being selfish.
Homework
List how you have used power and control in your relationships (use the power and control wheel and the domestic violence handout).
Write down for each example listed why you used power and control in this situation. What was the distorted thought/belief that prompted you to use power and control?
What could you have done differently in each situation listed? Use the equality wheel or marriage toolbox to answer.
What areas of the equality wheel would you like to continue to work on?
