1. Power and Control: Men are educated from a young age to use their power to control others. Power and Control is built on the notion that if someone does something wrong then the authority figure (person with most power) has a right to punish them with violence. Men may witness their father yell, insult, threaten and physically assault others to control them. In school, young boys are expected by their peers and society to fight back using physical violence if harassed or made fun of by others. In movies men are depicted as strong and the hero is characterized as using physical violence to defeat the bad guy at the climax of the film. Most superheroes are also depicted as male.
2. Male Privilege: The notion that it is a man’s privilege to use violence since he is at the top of the pecking order. This belief in a relationship plays out with the man believing that he has certain privileges in the relationship with the woman. He may believe the she is his property. This belief helps define the gender roles for this person. Usually the woman is expected to submit to the man’s wishes, to respect and not talk back, to do the household duties and serve the male. If the woman does not do this to the man’s liking then the man, according to this belief, has a right to punish her. This belief also holds that women are inferior. This can lead to objectification of the female and dehumanizing the woman.
3. Violence as Permissible: This is the belief that violence is normal and permissible. Violence is glorified and portrayed as something to be enjoyed in movies, television, music and sports. Violence is also present in many power dominated structures. In cultures where women are oppressed many times nothing is done by officers of the law when a woman is violently assaulted by her husband or partner. It may be expected to occur and seen as normal or as an appropriate means to resolving conflicts in some households and cultures.
4. Disconnection from Emotions: Men are taught to not be in touch with their emotions. Many times men are scolded for crying, showing emotions of sadness, worry, etc. These emotions are many times viewed as female emotions and discouraged by other men and peers. This produces men who suppress their emotions and only allow themselves to feel certain emotions deemed appropriate such as anger, rage, frustration, impatience, disappointment, etc. Many times men will get angry very quickly because they ignore the underlying emotions behind the anger that can lead them to identifying their needs and satisfying their needs.
5. Mixing up Strategies with Needs: Men are taught that they need money, sex, fame, and power over others. These things may be strategies for meeting needs but are not needs. When men are taught that they need these things they will neglect the real needs they have and focus on the strategies. For instance a man may need acceptance or autonomy and mix it up with thinking he needs fame and power over others. Fame and having power over others are not needs but wants. If men are taught to not mix strategies and wants with needs they would be more in touch with their needs and getting those needs met.
6. Judgmental Thoughts of Others: Men are many times educated to think in terms of right and wrong when it comes to conflict situations and to judge others for their actions. When someone does something that they do not like they are therefore more inclined to have moralistic judgments of others. These moralistic judgments in turn produce anger and a desire to punish others. Insults, threats, yelling, and violence are just some of the ways we punish others. If men were taught to not judge others there would be a lot less violence in men’s lives.
7. Experiences: Many times men have witnessed abuse in their home growing up or in their surroundings. Violence is a learned behavior. Many have even been abused themselves by their parents, a relative or even a stranger. These experiences teach men (many times) to use power and control over others. Also, these experiences may traumatize men and produce issues such as fear of abandonment and attachment problems.
